Fashion guru and TV personality Tim Gunn is opening up about a personal aspect of his life. The former “Project Runway” fashion mentor recently shared the reasons behind his decades-long celibacy, reflecting on his experiences and convictions behind the decision.

In an episode of Chelsea Handler’s podcast, “Dear Chelsea,” Gunn candidly shared about a past relationship that affected his choice to be celibate.

In the early ’80s, Gunn’s nine-year relationship with his partner abruptly ended. He described the relationship as “very serious,” adding that he would have done anything for the man.

He vividly recalled the night of their break-up, telling Handler that he was in bed watching the TV show “M*A*S*H*” when his partner said, “I have no patience for you any longer. I want you to leave.”

According to Gunn, his partner also confessed that he had been “sleeping with just about everything that walked by,” which added to the heartbreak. “I was hyperventilating. I was beside myself with self-flagellation and self-pity, and it was awful,” Gunn shared.

After grieving the relationship, Gunn’s initial self-pity gave way to anger over the implications of his partner’s confession. “He was the only person I’d ever been with. And this is the advent of AIDS. It’s 1982,” he shared.

The AIDS epidemic began in 1981, when the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported cases of infections among previously healthy individuals. The cases increased, and AIDS quickly became a global health crisis, causing widespread fear and stigma. Treatment options were also limited back then.

“I thought he may have given me a death sentence,” Gunn explained, adding that he got routinely tested for HIV every six months for a decade after the break-up. Fortunately, his results came back negative.

However, the cheating affected Gunn deeply, and any thoughts of intimacy brought him back to the pain of that experience. Instead, he chose to be celibate, a decision he has maintained for 43 years now. It was an adjustment at first, but now, Gunn says he “wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It wasn’t until 10 years after the break-up that Gunn decided to take a chance on love once again, per Newsweek. In 1992, he met a flight attendant named Daniel. They had been dating for approximately a month when Gunn told his close friend about the new relationship.

His friend, however, wasn’t as excited about it as Gunn was. He said it was such a cliché for Gunn to be dating a flight attendant, describing it as a “gay stereotype.” Gunn was caught between a strong-headed friend and Daniel, and in the end, he chose his friend.

He hurt Daniel and himself in the process and grew to resent his friend, ending their friendship eventually. “This is still something I think about with a good deal of frequency. The irony is I ended up with no one,” Gunn said of the situation.

Gunn, who was born in 1953, has been open about his struggles with sexuality early on in his life. “I didn’t know who I was, but I certainly knew what I wasn’t. And I knew I wasn’t a heterosexual male. The whole idea of being gay absolutely terrified me,” he told HuffPost in 2017.

According to Gunn, growing up was tough, and he was often picked on because of his stutter. The despair led him to ingest “a hundred pills” in an attempt to end his life at 17 years old.

Gunn, though initially in denial, had his first experience with a man at 22 years old, but didn’t come out to his family. He only revealed his sexuality to his sister at 29 years old, after he had broken up with his long-time partner.