×
WE DIDN’T NEED A SWOLE POP-TART WITH BUFF ARMS

WE DIDN’T NEED A SWOLE POP-TART WITH BUFF ARMS

I don’t know what the hell has been going on over in the Pop-Tart factory, but I don’t want any part of it. What used to be a fun, lighthearted football game to determine which anthropomorphic pastry would be selected for ritualistic sacrifice turned into a hellscape this week with the unveiling of “Protein Slammin’ Strawberry.”

I hate this Pop-Tart Giga Chad with the strength of a thousand suns. Do I think it’s neat there’s a protein Pop-Tart now? Absolutely. Am I excited that there’s a quick throw-together breakfast I can give to my daughter in the car when we’re running behind that doesn’t make he feel like a total reprobate by not providing her with a balanced breakfast? Damn straight. Does that mean I am willing to stomach a swole Pop-Tart staring at me with its cold, dead eyes while boasting arms that could bench press 400.

The thing I hate the most about Protein Slammin’ Strawberry is that it has completely upended what I thought I knew about Pop-Tart anatomy. All of the other tarts have their arms protruding just below eye level, which makes them fun and cartoony. Swole Tart, on the other hand, has them coming out of the top of his head like some sort of a monster. It’s also made me think way too much about the arms of a Pop-Tart in general, such as:

If you ripped off Protein Slammin’ Stawberry’s arms and roasted them at 400 degrees, what do you get at the end? Are these merely buff looking pastry arms, leading to a blackened, burned dough logs — or, much more alarmingly, is the protein in the Pop-Tart localized to the arms? In that instance these could be filled with meat, leading you to open the oven and being met with something that’s a cross between a Pop-Tart covered beef wellington or a grotesque ham of some sort.

At this point I need someone to win and for the victor to choose to end Protein Pop-Tart’s life on live TV. I need to know what those arms are made out of. I hate that I have been made to think like this, but I blame the Pop-Tarts Bowl.

Source link
#DIDNT #SWOLE #POPTART #BUFF #ARMS

When I arrived to cover the Minnesota Vikings for the St. Paul Pioneer Press in 2000, it was clear I was dealing with a star-studded roster.

The team boasted future Pro Football Hall of Famers; wide receivers Cris Carter and Randy Moss and defensive tackle John Randle. Plus, there were a ton of other stars including quarterback Daunte Culpepper, center Matt Birk and running back Robert Smith. The Vikings were loaded with star power.

The talent around the team wasn’t relegated simply to the roster, however.

That summer I first laid my eyes on a 16-year-old high school junior named Larry Fitzgerald Jr. The son of a local media member and close friend of Vikings’ head coach Dennis Green, Little Fitzy was a ball boy during training camp and on game days. It turns out, Larry Fitzgerald Jr. is very likely the most famous former NFL ball boy in history.

On reporting date, fellow reporter Kevin Seifert pointed out Fitzgerald to me and said “that’s a bad man.” Seifert didn’t say that about any of the actual Vikings that day.

Fitzgerald was already known as the best Minnesota high school prospect in years and he was considered one of the best high school players in the country. Seifert told me the buzz was that the kid was, no doubt, headed to the NFL in a half decade or so. Seifert was on the money. I’m not sure the Hall of Fame was mentioned or not.

But this weekend of course, that’s exactly where Little Fitzy is headed. He will be enshrined into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio, on Saturday as a first-ballot Hall of Famer.

Fitzgerald will be remembered as one of the best and most productive wide receivers in league history after an incredible 17-season career with the Arizona Cardinals.

I have a ton of memories of being around Fitzgerald, but there’s one that stands out among them all.

One day after training camp, a nameless Vikings’ wide receiver camp body was getting extra work on a JUGS machine, catching balls. He was being tutored by Fitzgerald, who was showing this player how to properly approach the incoming ball. This was a child instructing a grown man an NFL team deemed good enough to attend training camp.

Larry Fitzgerald Jr. was special even back then.

In addition to his incredible natural football ability, Larry Fitzgerald Jr. stood out for his politeness and good nature. You could tell he was a good kid from the first time you met him.

There was no I’m-going-to-be-a-star attitude. He was genuine and he worked his tail off with the rest of the ball boys. There was no entitlement. It was as if he was using his time around an NFL camp as an internship for his future. He passed with flying colors.

I’ve always cherished following his career from his days at Pittsburgh in college to his days of dominating the NFL and I’ve enjoyed running into him over the years now and again.

Enjoy Canton, Little Fitzy, you’ve earned it.

#Larry #Fitzgeralds #Hall #Fame #induction #years #making">Larry Fitzgerald’s Hall of Fame induction is 25 years in the making  When I arrived to cover the Minnesota Vikings for the St. Paul Pioneer Press in 2000, it was clear I was dealing with a star-studded roster.The team boasted future Pro Football Hall of Famers; wide receivers Cris Carter and Randy Moss and defensive tackle John Randle. Plus, there were a ton of other stars including quarterback Daunte Culpepper, center Matt Birk and running back Robert Smith. The Vikings were loaded with star power.The talent around the team wasn’t relegated simply to the roster, however.That summer I first laid my eyes on a 16-year-old high school junior named Larry Fitzgerald Jr. The son of a local media member and close friend of Vikings’ head coach Dennis Green, Little Fitzy was a ball boy during training camp and on game days. It turns out, Larry Fitzgerald Jr. is very likely the most famous former NFL ball boy in history.On reporting date, fellow reporter Kevin Seifert pointed out Fitzgerald to me and said “that’s a bad man.” Seifert didn’t say that about any of the actual Vikings that day.Fitzgerald was already known as the best Minnesota high school prospect in years and he was considered one of the best high school players in the country. Seifert told me the buzz was that the kid was, no doubt, headed to the NFL in a half decade or so. Seifert was on the money. I’m not sure the Hall of Fame was mentioned or not.But this weekend of course, that’s exactly where Little Fitzy is headed. He will be enshrined into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio, on Saturday as a first-ballot Hall of Famer.Fitzgerald will be remembered as one of the best and most productive wide receivers in league history after an incredible 17-season career with the Arizona Cardinals.I have a ton of memories of being around Fitzgerald, but there’s one that stands out among them all.One day after training camp, a nameless Vikings’ wide receiver camp body was getting extra work on a JUGS machine, catching balls. He was being tutored by Fitzgerald, who was showing this player how to properly approach the incoming ball. This was a child instructing a grown man an NFL team deemed good enough to attend training camp.Larry Fitzgerald Jr. was special even back then.In addition to his incredible natural football ability, Larry Fitzgerald Jr. stood out for his politeness and good nature. You could tell he was a good kid from the first time you met him.There was no I’m-going-to-be-a-star attitude. He was genuine and he worked his tail off with the rest of the ball boys. There was no entitlement. It was as if he was using his time around an NFL camp as an internship for his future. He passed with flying colors.I’ve always cherished following his career from his days at Pittsburgh in college to his days of dominating the NFL and I’ve enjoyed running into him over the years now and again.Enjoy Canton, Little Fitzy, you’ve earned it.  #Larry #Fitzgeralds #Hall #Fame #induction #years #making

Follow Sportstar for extensive coverage of the tenth edition of the TNPL, from live scores and match reports to exclusive analysis and features.

TOSS

Tiruppur Tamizhans won the toss and chose to bowl first.

PLAYING XIs

Nellai Royal Kings: Athish SR(w), D Santhosh Kumar, Ajitesh Guruswamy, U Mukilesh, Rithik Easwaran, Sonu Yadav(c), Muhammed Adnan Khan, Ramalingam Rohit, Emmanuel Cherian, NS Harish, Rocky Bhasker

Tiruppur Tamizhans: Tushar Raheja(w), Amit Sathvik, Pradosh Ranjan Paul, Mohamed Ali, Uthirasamy Sasidev, Ravisrinivasan Sai Kishore(c), M Mathivannan, S Mohan Prasath, R Silambarasan, Esakkimuthu A, T Natarajan

Published on Aug 09, 2026

#TNPL #Live #Allround #batting #display #propels #Nellai #Royal #Kings">TNPL 2026 Live: All-round batting display propels Nellai Royal Kings to 206/8  Follow Sportstar for extensive coverage of the tenth edition of the TNPL, from live scores and match reports to exclusive analysis and features.TOSSTiruppur Tamizhans won the toss and chose to bowl first.PLAYING XIsNellai Royal Kings: Athish SR(w), D Santhosh Kumar, Ajitesh Guruswamy, U Mukilesh, Rithik Easwaran, Sonu Yadav(c), Muhammed Adnan Khan, Ramalingam Rohit, Emmanuel Cherian, NS Harish, Rocky BhaskerTiruppur Tamizhans: Tushar Raheja(w), Amit Sathvik, Pradosh Ranjan Paul, Mohamed Ali, Uthirasamy Sasidev, Ravisrinivasan Sai Kishore(c), M Mathivannan, S Mohan Prasath, R Silambarasan, Esakkimuthu A, T NatarajanPublished on Aug 09, 2026  #TNPL #Live #Allround #batting #display #propels #Nellai #Royal #Kings

Post Comment