Erika Titus never thought she’d shave her head, but the urge to chop off all her hair kept her stir crazy for days last December. “I’m not sure what caused the initial thought—maybe I was watching Stranger Things, so I was thinking about [Eleven’s] [shaved] head,” Titus tells Teen Vogue over Zoom.

For the uninitiated, Titus is one of TikTok’s leading beauty creators. The 23-year-old, hailing from Oahu, Hawaii, boasts over four million followers on the platform alone. She’s known for her experimental makeup tutorials, occasional clothing hauls, vulnerable tangents, and off-the-wall challenges with her siblings, Kirsten and Jacob.

Naturally, Titus chronicled the days leading up to the drastic hair transformation on TikTok. Little did she know that the “Bald Series” would rack up millions of views (at the time of writing, her most-watched vlog is at 28 million views and counting), and, as expected, the comment section festered with mixed opinions.

But underneath the seemingly impulsive decision was a very intentional way of thinking about beauty standards and social media pressure. She’d been experiencing late night feelings of “self-loathing,” she explains. “I didn’t feel good about myself or the content that I was putting out, either.” At first, Titus had her doubts about the chop. “I thought, ‘I could never do this because it would be bad for my career.”

But the choice ended up bringing her a clean slate ahead of the new year—online and in real life. Ahead, Teen Vogue chats with Erika Titus about the process of shaving her head, how her upbringing and societal beauty standards influenced her decision, and what she’s thinking about next.

Teen Vogue: I’d love to know how your upbringing influenced your decision to buzz your hair off.

Erika Titus: I grew up Mormon. That was the first time that I felt exposed to beauty standards. Because of the modesty rules, we had to dress and do our hair in a certain way. On top of that, my grandma—I love her so much; she’s amazing—she’s Korean and Filipino. Beauty is very important to her, and those ideas were pushed onto my mom. Growing up, I think my mom tried her best not to let that affect us too much, particularly when it came to having pale skin. Even then, she couldn’t completely shield us from Asian beauty standards.

I don’t know why I felt this way, but I felt my only value was in being beautiful. It was hard for me because my older sister, Kirsten, is super pretty and funny. I didn’t want to be the ugly sister, but it was as if my sister was setting such a high bar for me. That definitely put pressure on me, and I always felt I needed to be beautiful all of the time.

TV: How has being a content creator warped your perception of beauty?

ET: I started making content at a young age. I started posting consistently on TikTok at 18, and my platform grew. Once I started making beauty content, I still felt confident in what I was posting, and I was having fun doing makeup. As time went on, I thought I’d adjust to everything. But the complete opposite happened. I lost confidence because I received comments online that were attacking my personality. It was the first time I started to be like, “I’m not funny. I’m not pretty. I’m not anything actually.” So, beauty felt like a shield for me. I was like, “As long as I look good in this video, people aren’t going to really attack my personality too much.”