I work in a small corner shop in a rural village (nearest big city is Glasgow). Our stock is usually just for the essentials. A guy who has moved to the village in the last few months (and complained every time) comes in and asks:

Customer: “I want ten [Lottery scratchcard games].”

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t have any of that particular game. We haven’t received any deliveries from the lottery guys in a while.”

Customer: “That’s f****** typical! This shop never has anything I need!”

Me: “We’re just a small rural shop, sir, so our stock doesn’t really match the bigger stores in town. We do have [other scratchcards], just not that particular one.”

Customer: “No, I’m fed up with this. Get your manager from the back. I know she’s back there! I’ve had issues like this for weeks, and I’m done with it!”

My manager was indeed in the back, but she was already walking out to the front after hearing this guy’s familiar shouting.

Customer: “You! Why do you even manage this useless shop! It never has—”

Manager: “—then drive twenty miles into town and shop there! We’re not f****** Costco, and we don’t pretend to be. Next time, come in with reasonable expectations, you f****** white crayon!”

Customer: *Confused.* “White… crayon?”

An older lady customer, who had been standing to the side of the shop looking at the small selection of birthday cards, chimes in:

Other Customer: “She’s callin’ you useless, you f****** tube.”

Customer: “This… f******… place!” 

He slams his fists on the counter and storms out. The other customer calmly selects her birthday card, and my manager checks her out, having a chat.

Other Customer: “I’d have called him a third nostril myself.”

Manager: “A waterproof teabag.”

Other Customer: “A paper umbrella.”

They got progressively cruder and more savage as they went (too crude to repeat), but whatever they did worked, as maybe he did start going to the Costco in Glasgow, as he’s never darkened our doors since.

Related:
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 10
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 9
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 8
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 7
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 6