Me: “Dad, can I go over to my friend’s house and spend the night? She invited me over.”

Dad: “Who?”

Me: “[Friend], she’s got the long hair, a little sister around [Sister’s] age, bad asthma.”

Mom: “No, I don’t want you over there because her parents smoke.”

Me: “Uh, no, they don’t. Where did you get that from? She has asthma, so her parents definitely don’t smoke. Also, what does that matter?”

Dad: “Eh, listen to your mother. I don’t want you around smokers.”

Me: “But they don’t–okay, fine. So I’m not allowed to be around people who smoke?”

Dad: “Yeah, that’s right. You’re a teenager, and you’ll pick up bad habits from being around them. People like that are bad influences.”

Mom: “Exactly!”

Me: “…oh REALLY.”

I walked right into my parents’ room, picked up my father’s stash of chewing tobacco, and then came back and set it in front of them.

Me: “Guess I can’t be here anymore! And let’s not forget the five bottles of whiskey under the sink, and all the beer in the fridge. And you’ve already had two of them this early! Alcohol’s SUCH a bad habit, Dad, and let’s not forget you have ten cans of tobacco dip on your desk, out in the open for all us kids to see, AND you use it in front of us daily.”

Mom: “You know that’s not what we meant.”

Me: “Oh, I see. You meant I can’t be around people who smoke cigarettes.”

Mom: “Yes, exactly.”

Me: “So Dad’s sister, his nephew, his great-aunt and her son, his dad, and your sister, your brother, plus your two friends I babysit for all the time, your stepsister, and your mom and stepdad? I’m not allowed around them anymore, right?”

Mom: “That… that’s not what we meant!”

Me: “You said anyone who smokes cigarettes I’m not allowed around. They all smoke. My friend’s parents don’t. So why am I not allowed to go over to their house, but I’m supposed to turn up at Grandma’s tomorrow? She smokes. Her husband smokes. Most of her kids who will be there smoke. Are you going to tell them why you decided I’m not allowed over there anymore? They’re gonna ask.”

Mom: *Sputters angrily.*

Me: “Soooo…?”

Dad: “Fine, go.”

I spent the night with my friend, and yes, I did go to Grandma’s the next day. When I told some of the family members about the story, a few of them decided they didn’t want to be “bad influences” anymore and opted to quit smoking, so positive ending!