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We Wouldn’t Really Say That’s A Helpful Tool

We Wouldn’t Really Say That’s A Helpful Tool

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Customer: “I need my wiper blades fixed.”

Me: “I can get that done for you.”

Customer: “Really? I mean, no offense, but wouldn’t it be easier to get one of the guys to do it?”

Me: *Calling into the back of the auto shop.* “Hey, guys! This customer out here thinks it’ll be easier to fix wiper blades using a penis instead of your hands! Kinda weird but the customer’s always right… right?!”

I look back at the customer, who has gone pale.

Me: “I assume that’s what you meant, as that’s the only thing those guys have got that I don’t.”

He remains silent, and one of the guys comes out from the back, laughing, and tells the guy he’ll work on his car using his hands, if that’s okay…

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Deadspin | White Sox ride offensive surge into rematch vs. A’s <div id=""><section id="0" class=" w-full"><div class="xl:container mx-0 !px-4 py-0 pb-4 !mx-0 !px-0"><img src="https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/28756045.jpg" srcset="https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/28756045.jpg" alt="MLB: Chicago White Sox at Athletics" class="w-full" fetchpriority="high" loading="eager"/><span class="text-0.8 leading-tight">Apr 17, 2026; West Sacramento, California, USA; Chicago White Sox third baseman Munetaka Murakami (5) celebrates with team mates after hitting a grand slam against the Athleticsduring the seventh inning at Sutter Health Park. Mandatory Credit: Ed Szczepanski-Imagn Images<!-- --> <!-- --> </span></div></section><section id="section-1"> <p>The Chicago White Sox will look to build on an elite offensive performance when they face the Athletics on Saturday afternoon in the middle contest of a three-game set at West Sacramento, Calif.</p> </section><section id="section-2"> <p>Chicago equaled its top scoring output of the campaign and racked up a season-high 15 hits during Friday’s 9-2 shellacking of the Athletics.</p> </section><section id="section-3"> <p>Munetaka Murakami smacked his first major league grand slam as part of a 3-for-5 outing. The left-handed-hitting Murakami’s seventh-inning blast cleared the tall batter’s eye beyond the center-field wall.</p> </section><section id="section-4"> <p>“I struck out the at-bat before, so I was trying to see the ball well and really get a good swing at it,” Murakami said through an interpreter. “And the result was the best I did.”</p> </section><section id="section-5"> <p>The grand slam, off Elvis Alvarado, was Murakami’s sixth homer in his 20 games with the White Sox. The 26-year-old starred in Japan with five seasons of 30 or more homers before signing with the White Sox in the offseason.</p> </section><section id="section-6"> <p>His wallop was the highlight of a standout offensive showing for Chicago, which has scored three or fewer runs 13 times this season. In fact, the White Sox had only 60 runs — second fewest in the majors — before Friday’s feast.</p> </section><section id="section-7"> <p>Murakami raised his batting average to .200, with 13 RBIs. He struck out twice and has fanned 28 times in 65 at-bats.</p> </section><section id="section-8"> <p>Andrew Benintendi was 3-for-6 with two runs and one RBI for Chicago, which won for just the third time in the past 11 games.</p> </section><section id="section-9"> <p>“It was really nice,” White Sox manager Will Venable said. “Those guys have been putting together really good at-bats; just nothing to show for it. To be able to come out, continue that and get rewarded was really nice. It was up and down the lineup.”</p> </section><br/><section id="section-10"> <p>The Athletics had just four hits while losing their second straight game. Nick Kurtz had an RBI single when he won a 13-pitch battle with White Sox right-hander Davis Martin.</p> </section> <section id="section-11"> <p>“That was our best at-bat of the night,” Athletics manager Mark Kotsay said. “He fought off a lot of pitches. It’s an at-bat we’ve seen from Nick in the past, and we’re starting to see more of those at-bats. We did some early work (before the game) with Nick, and it looks like things are turning in the right direction.”</p> </section><section id="section-12"> <p>The A’s committed just one error Friday, but Kotsay was concerned about the defense.</p> </section><section id="section-13"> <p>“We have to play clean games, and (Friday’s game) wasn’t one of those,” he said.</p> </section><section id="section-14"> <p>Athletics right-hander Luis Severino (0-2, 5.59 ERA) will take another swipe at ending his woes inside Sutter Health Park on Saturday.</p> </section><section id="section-15"> <p>Severino lost to the Texas Rangers 8-1 on Monday when he gave up four runs and six hits over six innings. He served up two homers, walked three and struck out seven in his first 2026 home outing. The setback leaves him 2-10 with a 6.01 ERA in 16 starts in West Sacramento since joining the A’s prior to last season. Severino sharply criticized the ballpark last June.</p> </section><section id="section-16"> <p>Severino is 2-3 with a 4.44 ERA in nine career appearances (eight starts) against the White Sox. Benintendi (13-for-38) is batting .342 with two homers, one triple, four doubles and 10 RBIs against Severino.</p> </section><section id="section-17"> <p>The White Sox will turn to right-hander Erick Fedde (0-3, 3.38 ERA) on Saturday. He has allowed only 14 hits and three walks in 16 innings, but Chicago has just three total runs in his three outings.</p> </section><section id="section-18"> <p>Fedde’s lone career appearance against the A’s was rough. He allowed six runs and nine hits in 2 2/3 innings during a 10-6 loss on Aug. 30, 2022, when he was a member of the Washington Nationals.</p> </section><section id="section-19"> <p>Jeff McNeil is 7-for-18 against Fedde from when both players were in the National League.</p> </section><br/><section id="section-20"> <p>–Field Level Media</p> </section> </div> #Deadspin #White #Sox #ride #offensive #surge #rematch

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