Mom is sick in bed, so for the first time, as far as I can remember, Dad goes grocery shopping completely unsupervised. My sister and I help unpack the bags when he gets home.

Me: “Dad, this shampoo has a picture of a dog on it.”

Dad: “It’s family-sized.”

Me: “No, the packaging says, ‘for the furry members of the family’. This is dog shampoo.”

Sister: “You just saw the word ‘family’ and grabbed it, didn’t you?”

Dad: “Well, I’m sure it’s not too different for dogs. I mean, clean hair is clean hair, right?”

Then my sister pulls out another item.

Me: “Uh… Dad?”

Dad: “What now?”

Me: “Why did you buy three packs of thirty-two frozen waffles?”

Dad: “They were on sale.”

Me: “You didn’t get any bread, did you?”

Dad: “You can put things on waffles.”

Sister: “That is not their primary function.”

Finally, my sister slowly lifts the last item from the bag: a giant industrial-sized container of beef jerky dog treats.

Sister: “Please tell me this isn’t for us.”

Dad: *Realizing he got a dog item, again.* “No, it’s… for… the dog.”

Sister: “We don’t have a dog.”

Dad: “The neighbor’s dog. We’ve been chatting more, so I thought I would get him some treats.”

Me: “Oh, good, you can give them this shampoo too.”

Sister: “In fact, let’s do it right now!”

Dad: “What?”

Sister: “It’s still early, let’s all go to see the neighbor now and give their dog all these wonderful things!”

Dad: “I’ll do it later.”

Me: “No, that’s a good idea! I’ve never seen a dog at the neighbor’s place, so I want to meet them!”

Both of us stand up with the jerky and shampoo, walking to the door. Dad stops us, grabs the jerky and shampoo, puts them both into one of the grocery store bags, walks out, and drives off. He comes back forty minutes later with a refund receipt and shampoo for humans.