Customer: “I want [pizza].”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “Large, but listen. I want it burnt.”

Me: “So, like… extra crispy?”

Customer: “No. Burnt. I want it to have two full passes through the oven.”

Me: “Oh, so… really burnt.”

Customer: “I want this thing to look like Anakin Skywalker right before he became Darth Vader.”

Me: “You got it.”

I told the kitchen guys in person to specify how the customer wanted it. This thing was about as close to setting off the fire alarm as I’ve seen in a professional kitchen. I couldn’t even imagine how dry it would be to bite into. The kitchen guys were having fun with it:

Kitchen Guy #1: “A new trend: Carcinogenmaxxing.”

Kitchen Guy #2: “Thanks, I hate it.”

Kitchen Guy #3: “Maybe he’s just obsessed with the Maillard reaction?”

Then, when it was done with its two passes through the oven:

Kitchen Guy #1: “One black tar granola bar in the shape of a pizza, ready to go!”

The customer opened the box when he was handed the pizza, and the gleaming look on his face told us we did good.